Wholeheartedly Heartless
by Endings Matter Most
Summary: Maybe it's because they are identical.


Wholeheartedly Heartless

**Wholeheartedly Heartless**

I'm trying my hand at writing this… I'm trying not to be so biased… I'll probably always put some kind of Riku and Kairi stuff into everything that I write, but that's because it's a relationship that is never addressed like it should be. It's so amazing… and sadly one-sided. I just feel it needs more love and understanding… and with how much I write about it, I think I have a pretty good understand of it…

Keep in mind that there are _two_ guys being talked about. You'll have to pay attentions because I don't mention names.

Maybe it's because they are identical. That's probably why I love him. They are so alike, and they don't really even know it. They'd _like_ to believe they were different; they'd _like_ to believe that they were two very separate people. But at least one knows the truth. The other is so faithfully in sweet denial.

Were exactly did he go? I suppose it didn't matter. He was the one I love, whether a real individual person or not, didn't matter. I wasn't real… really real, so the one I love shouldn't be real either. It's not fair to either one of us.

Both of them can feel love. I cannot. I'm tricked into believing that what I think are real thoughts and raw emotions… perhaps they are, I don't really know and I don't understand my whole situation. All I know is that I'm different. I have different abilities and powers then the rest… I'm special, is what I like to tell myself.

Slowly, I fell in love with him too. I fell in love with both. Who did I _really_ love? I loved him first, but I loved his identical other second. One was real… but the other was not. Was it fair for me to love the real one when I could not truly be someone to him?

He loved someone else. He loved the one that I despise… but she is a part of me. No. I'm a part of her. I have no heart, no being, for her to be part of. She is real and I am not. And he loves her, like he should love her. That's what's fair.

I remembered when he kissed me. It was so perfect and so genuine. Maybe that was because I was part of her. And if that sole part of her loved him, then he was okay with that. He didn't linger for too long, but it was long enough for me to wrap my arms around his neck and for hands to snake their way around my waist. He pulled me into the embrace, and I welcomed it.

Were we both doing it because we wanted someone who was so much like the other? I cannot say for him, and I can barely speak for myself. How could I decide between two exact same people?

He kissed me too… somehow we were alone… after he said he was going to stay away… it was the last time I saw him. This was a long kiss… a wonderful kiss… a kiss I relived over and over again. My powers for memories make my own so strong. And this was a memory I locked away forever. I could keep it and hold it close to my hollow and empty chest… my heart.

His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me close. One of his hands stroked my cheek and pulled me away from my drawing and into his eyes, those beautiful eyes. He smiled and I remember wondering if he knew what he was feeling, like I wondered about my own feelings. His lips pressed gently against mine. My hands slid onto his muscular chest then upward and locked around his neck.

We stood there kissing each other for a long time… it didn't matter how long. I think he knew that he was going to leave and not come back. He told me he was coming back, but knew that he wasn't. And that's okay…

I can't decide which kiss I loved more, but that probably has to do with the fact I don't know _who_ I love more. I know who he loves more… he loves her more… even if I do love him more, I'll be left alone. I suppose that's alright though, considering I can't feel anything. I could block out the illusions of pain. I _had_ no heart to break.

I told him that I loved him… he nodded… he knew that I did.

I never told him that I loved him… but he knew anyways.

"Why don't you love me back?" I asked him, my mind telling me I should be angry.

Instead of answering, he kissed me again. I didn't mind. But I knew… I knew what his answer would have been in words. I suppose he thought I went through enough… but I don't know why it mattered. I couldn't be hurt.

"I know…" I whispered when we parted.

He looked me straight in the eye. He was sorry for me… he was sorry for himself. I sympathized with both of us as well.

I faded in The World That Never Was. We faded together… separately, but together. At least I had somewhere to go. While sharing her mind and body… heart… with her, I was overwhelmed with the feelings she had. Only one was a feeling I could relate with. She loved him… it would take some time to know whether she loved him the way he loved her. I didn't know…

No feelings remained for him, though. She didn't know him… she couldn't feel for him. My sweet Replica… I'm sorry… But I think I know who I love more, now that I no longer have that illusion. I miss my illusions of love for him.

I love Riku… but we both love each other, for someone else. He loves my part of her because that is the part that he knows loves him. And I love him because he is the real one I love made real.

Personally, I loved the fake. I loved the one like _me_.

Raise your hand if you thought I was talking about Roxas and Sora and Naminé the whole time. If so… then you only got one right…

Let's just get this straight. I _hate_ Namiku. I hate it. It's my least favorite ship… in the history of ships. However, I do like Naminé and _Repliku_. They are cute… but the real Riku is for Kairi. End of story, good bye, the end… period mark and all. But I felt the need to address Riku's relationship with Naminé because he obviously had one because he was working with her…

No, I don't think he would have had a romantic relationship or anything… but the fact she was Kairi's Nobody _had_ to play some kind of part in his relationship with her. SO… yeah… that's just it.


End file.
